Tag Archives: tapas

Pre-eating

Via email at 3:53 p.m. yesterday, J writes:

When your blog is about food at an office where you do a lot of talking about food, you often get requests to blog about something you are talking about. I’m truthfully not sure if the people who make these requests are actually interested in the topic or if they just want me to shut up and go back to my desk.

Nevertheless…

I tend to pre-eat before business lunches and dinners. I do this because I’m a big eater and I don’t like to talk with my mouthful. If this is a lunch or dinner where I have to be “on,” that is either lead the conversation or make a presentation, I’m not going to get a lot of eating done. So I eat before I go.

There’s also the issue of I may not like the food being served. This was the case when I went to Nabu in Las Vegas with a couple of clients for my job at the time. Nabu was a nice restaurant (Ivanka Trump was sitting two tables away; no I didn’t get her phone number), but it serves sushi. I normally don’t like sushi, so I ate some nachos alone in my hotel room before we went out. Ironically, I actually enjoyed the sushi so I went home feeling quite full despite the fact that I had to do a lot of talking. It has basically ruined sushi for me since, as you might imagine, any restaurant that caters to a Trump has much higher quality food than my favorite Chinese buffet that serves all you can eat sushi, among other items, for $10.95.

Frankly, a lot of restaurants are not designed for eating. Some serve heavy hor dourves, which are nice, but always leave me wanting more, which is supposed to be the purpose of hour d vors. They are not supposed to be a meal.

Or Tapas. God help me but if I never see a Tapas restaurant again I’ll be just fine. Tapas is just a fancy word for expensive food on little plates and leaving hungry. There has to be a lot of sharing. Again, if I have to do a lot of talking, those who are less required to do talking will wind up taking my food. Or maybe they won’t, but they could, so the risk is there and so I pre-eat.

Ironically, food is our main social venue, but it also inhibits conversation. Seriously, notice it the next time you go out. Conversation will be lively until the food arrives at which point everyone will start eating. Then someone will make a funny comment about how we’re all hungry and the food must be good or something like that and then the conversation will start again, but it won’t be as lively as before because people will be alternating between food and conversation. If I don’t have to eat, I can still talk. So I eat before I go.

It’s actually a good idea. Try it sometime.

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On Sharing Food

Via e-mail yesterday at 1:58 p.m.
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J writes:

Sharing food is all the rage these days what with tapas–fancy talk for expensive little plates of food–restaurants springing up all over American cities. On a recent trip to DC, it seemed like I couldn’t swing a dead cat without hitting a tapas restaurant.

I do not like to share food. There, I said it.

Yes, I know that we were taught to share from the time we were in pre-school, and its supposedly some universal good, but sometimes I just want to say “no, buy your own friggin pancakes” rather than succumb to this societal pressure.

A recent business lunch with an important client had me sharing food, and when my office mates (who I habitually and loudly do not share food with) found out about this they were aghast.

So let me, for the record, stipulate where I draw the sharing line.

If you are a homeless person, and you approach me in a restaurant asking me to share my lunch, I will share with you. I’m not a monster. Of course, if you’re a homeless person and are reading this blog it makes me wonder how you can afford a computer but not a sandwich…so maybe you just better not ask. Just keep voting Democrat, everything will be fine.

If we are out to lunch together and you want the chicken tacos and I want the steak tacos, it is perfectly acceptable for us to order one of each and share them provided that we each have the same number of tacos at the end of the exchange. Same rules apply to half portions of sandwiches. This, however, does not work for salads because it’s hard to portion out the good parts of a salad (dressing, croutons) from all that extraneous lettuce. It also doesn’t work if you order pasta and I order steak; it’s not even in the same league.

No, I will not let you “try” what I’m eating. This is not sharing. This is mooching. Exceptions are made for my children who I am trying to get to eat something beyond chicken nuggets. I suppose when I was a single man I would have let you try my food in the hope of sleeping with you later on, but I’ve been married for a while, so I no longer try to pick up women, and my wife knows me well enough to know it’s just easier for her to order her own food.

No, I will not “trade” with you if you don’t like what you ordered. It’s not my fault. Go around and stare at other people’s plates like a normal person if you can’t properly imagine what the food is like from the descriptions on the menu.

And for the love of God, please stop ruining Chinese dinners by ordering a bunch of plates for everyone to “share.” This is not about sharing. It’s just so some cheapskate can order sugar cracked snow peas and scam off my General Tso’s chicken. If you wanted chicken you should have ordered it; you’ll know better next time.

We’re trying to have a society people.
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My favorite yet.