Tag Archives: KFC

Fast Food, It Gives So Much and Asks for So Little

J writes via email at 2:52 p.m.

So on my way back on my walk today I stopped by the KFC in the Gallery Mall and got one of those boneless chicken filets; fried, not grilled. As an aside, if you order the grilled chicken because it is more healthy I submit you are an idiot. If you want to be healthy, don’t eat at KFC. Grilled chicken will just remind you that fast food chicken is not the same product they serve at fine restaurants and breading and deep frying covers over a multitude of sins.

There's another chicken in that chicken.

Anyway, I ordered the boneless fried chicken breast. This comes without the bun or any other garnishment for $2, or $2.14 with tax. Money well spent, but I also got:

The opportunity to give feedback. Yeah, I called the survey on the back of the form. I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say, but then again I seldom do as readers of this blog will attest (have you noticed that while methods of communication have proliferated we haven’t had anything worthwhile to say in them?), but I punched all the keys and did my thing. I hope I made a difference. Sometimes you just gotta get shit done because shit doesn’t get done by itself, know what I mean?

I was motivated to do the survey because if you do the survey you get entered into a drawing for $1,000. This made it sort of like a scratch and win lottery ticket. When I was in high school, I was addicted to scratch and win lottery tickets because in Ohio they didn’t do things like check IDs. I won $100 once and spent a lot of money trying to win $100 again. But I didn’t consider it money wasted because I enjoyed the time I spent scratching off the win columns. These tickets are at least $2 and up now, so in a sense my chicken was free because I had the opportunity to win $1,000. No, I didn’t win, but people don’t win the actual lottery much either.

And on top of everything else, they gave me a coupon for $1 off the new doublelicious combo, which is KFC’s way of saying they are not even trying to pretend they are healthy anymore. From the picture it looks like the restaurant’s answer to the idea that the double down was a bit too much because it’s a chicken patty with cheese, bacon and that special sauce that you can never reproduce because it’s made 1,000 gallons at a time. Interestingly they do have a grilled version, but it’s much smaller in the picture and has lettuce, so I guess they are trying. Good for them. I’m not going to eat it, but good for them.
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I respond:

I wanted to say this about KFC:

I can’t eat there anymore. And no, not just because I’m a vegetarian. Because I have reason to believe they put MSG in their food.

Who cares about MSG when it makes things more delicious?

Me. I do. Because the last time I had KFC (3 years ago), I had an allergic reaction. And not just “ooooh, my stomach hurts and I feel crappy” but like, a true allergic reaction;  hives, itching, sneezing, migraine.

My roommates and I lived in the ghetto of New Brunswick a short drive from a KFC. We saw an ad for a meal special: $7 and you get two sides (hello mac and cheese and mashed potatoes!), chicken, biscuits, and a soda. Why yes please! I’m in college, poor, hungry, and have low food standards, sure! I’d LOVE some comfort food.

Never again.

Bad shit man, mess you up.
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J retorts:

I think I heard this story before. You are starting to do repeats.

I think you may have even used the same tone and inflection when describing your love of mac and cheese and mashed potatoes.
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I sass back:

Look. We spend a lot of time together. I guess I’m sorry about the repeats. Not really though, because I wouldn’t repeat myself if you talked about something other than KFC and their doubledown sandwich.

So I say: Get used to it.

And I believe in spreading the gospel about KFC and the MSG in their food, ok? IT WAS AWFUL. Awful! My roommates got sick too. We were all out of commish for two whole days. That’s disgusting. For food!…that was alright I guess, but if we had just pooled our cash we could have prepared a chicken dinner with mashed potatoes and bought the mac and cheese at Wawa, it would have been MORE tasty and not as intestine-destroying.

And I believe in the beauty of a well-done macaroni and cheese.

And a free America.

What?

I’m just sayin.
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J replies:

Repeats aren’t all bad, I suppose. I do still like Seinfeld even though I could quote almost all the episodes by heart.

FREE TIBET!

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Rolls

E-mail exchange from Monday, 3:17 p.m.

Subject line: The Problem with Hot Dogs…
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J said:

Aren’t so much in the hot dogs themselves, but in the hot dog buns. I am not yet convinced that a sausage or a kielbasa is quantifiably better than a hot dog, but I do know that since most of us eat them portably, as opposed to with a knife and fork in our laps while we shoo away pigeons and the homeless, who interestingly have never expressed an interest in sharing my lunch even as they ask me for money for food, than the disparity here is relevant.

Specifically, the roll that a sausage or a kielbasa comes on is 100 times better than the hot dog roll.

Perhaps some of the food truck vendors would consider putting hot dogs on a sausage rolls.

That would be a change we can believe in.
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I replied:

One of your best yet.

Now my question for you is this: What is your feeling on cheesesteak rolls?

It seems to me, most people that are really into hoagies and cheesesteaks and spend time telling other people their preferences, are always citing “the roll” as the reason why sandwich A is better than sandwich B.

As someone who enjoys good bread but finds the quality of the meat and cheese as the real marker of a delicious sammie, I find their arguments pointless.
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J countered:

Hardly pointless, although I could see how it might seem so to someone who has eliminated meat from their lives and therefore would be reduced to eating a “hoagie” that consisted of lettuce, tomato, onions and cheese, which would be truly pointless, or, lord help us all, a cheese steak that consisted of fried cheese and onions which, when I think about it, does have a certain appeal.

But I digress.

The quality of a cheese steak depends on the confluence of cheese, onions and the roll in exactly the right amounts and if anyone of these is lacking, the entire cheese steak suffers. It’s hard exactly to quantify the quality of the roll (some like it warm, some don’t. Some like it hard, some don’t. It’s like pornography that way I suppose—that is we know a roll is lacking when it is).

To those who would dismiss the quality of a roll in a cheese steak evaluation, I would ask them to consider the following. A cheese steak on a hot dog roll, or on toasted sliced bread. Not the same. Indeed, not the same at all.

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I shared:

Wow.

When you put it like that, I agree.

I went on a sort of double-date road bike ride once, and spent the majority of said ride chatting with the other girlfriend. She worked for Wawa which I thought was totally cool. She worked in their call center so she assured me it wasn’t. I asked her if people had been calling and complaining about how the quality of the Wawa hoagie roll was in decline and she said that indeed, that had been one of their biggest complaints.

I then asked her if they logged the complaints and took action on them.  She said no.

My boyfriend at the time said that she was a comment box with no bottom.
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J ends the exchange with this:

One of the greatest lines in TV sitcom history:

Matthew won Employee of the Month, but it was hardly a competitive election: “There were two votes for Matthew, 15 for ’employee of the month sucks,’ and 8 just said ‘ba-ba-booey.'”

Somehow the idea of comment boxes made me think of that.

Wawa…

  1. Places like WaWa and Subway shouldn’t be allowed to sell sandwiches. They suck. There’s no further analysis needed. Yes, Wawa has other uses like free ATMs and slim jims, but their sandwiches are an embarrassment. Subway may as well just close up shop. How they stay in business in this part of the country makes about as much sense as a Long John Silvers in New England or a Kentucky Fried Chicken down south. It’s just wrong.
  2. Wawa actually has a lot of opportunity. Managers can make up to $45,000 a year and about $1,500 in bonuses on top of that every month if their store performs well. I actually considered working for WaWa. I still haven’t totally dismissed it.

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For the record, I disagree about Wawa hoagies.