Tag Archives: Doritos

The Good People at HERRS

I took a sick day yesterday, and thus, was out of the office. When I returned I had several emails from J, 2 of which are related and posted here.

Yesterday at 3:58 pm J writes:

Food is just not living up to its responsibilities. I just ate a bag of Herr’s jalapeno poppers flavored cheese curls. They were stale. So I called the customer service line to complain. No one was available to take my call. What kind of crap is that? I ask you. I don’t have an answer; I’m just asking the question.

He also wrote this, at 4:10 pm:

Picked up when I called again. Don’t ask me how many times I called; it’s none of your business. They are very sorry for my inconvenience and they would like to send me a coupon for a replacement bag. They took my name and address and asked for the expiration date. They said they would send a coupon out in seven to ten business days, so I’m sort of excited that I have that to look forward to.

Here’s the kick in the ass, they asked me what size bag it was. Are they going to send a coupon for that exact bag?

This is the second time in my life I’ve called a customer service line about being dissatisfied with a snack product. The first time was Frito Lay. My Doritos had what I thought to be insufficient flavor and since 99 cents was a lot of money to me at the time (I was in college) I called them and let them know about it. They took down a lot of information and I mean a lot of information; they may have asked what I was doing when I ate the bag I don’t really remember.

When the coupon arrived though it was for ANY FRITO LAY PRODUCT. Man, I was in flavor country. My roommate and I drove right out to the grocery store and selected the largest bag of whatever we could find. We ate the whole thing when we got back to the dorm while watching really bad television.

I’m hoping HERRS will be as generous.

I write today, at 9:27 am:

There’s something magical about eating a ton of junk food while watching really bad television in college that somehow loses its appeal once you hit “The Real World” (not the bad television, the soul sucking abyss of personal responsibility and bill-paying).

J writes back a minute later:

The year after college is always the hardest socially. All the things that were fun and cool in college suddenly seem really dumb. You don’t bull until 4:00 a.m. because you have to get up for work in the morning. You don’t eat a lot of junk food because suddenly you’re not on a meal plan anymore and you have to budget for groceries.

It’s true. So readers, what was YOUR favorite bad food/TV combo in college?

Mine was chicken wing/mashed potato night and watching South Park (which isn’t actually bad television, but I sat on my floor while I ate it).

John Madden’s Doritos

J writes via email yesterday at 1:37 p.m.:

Doritos just can’t seem to leave well enough alone. After the travesty that was the flavor combination craze, they have decided to put John Madden’s name on a new line of product retools. I don’t know much about John Madden. I seem to recall he has something to do with football, but I wouldn’t know him if he kicked me in the mouth, and I fail to see how football prowess, assuming that’s what he’s famous for and not just one of those people who are famous for being famous, translates into an expertise on corn chips. I mean, why should I care what he thinks about my Doritos?

Anyway, Doritos has introduced two new flavors. Tailgater Bar-B-Q and Stadium Nacho. According to their press release (yes I looked for the press release), these flavors will only be available for a limited time, which I figure means limited to the number that people will buy. I’m not fooled.

I had some of the Nacho ones today with my lunch and it was with some trepidation. Nacho Doritos and I have a long history, going back to my childhood. I was skeptical when they introduced Nacho Cheesier, and I still have not warmed to the Spicy Nacho variety. But I figured, what the heck.

And here’s the thing—THEY ARE REALLY GOOD!!! Doritos has somehow managed to capture the taste that comes when you dip corn chips in that yellow substance that is not quite cheese but is oh so good. It might be vegan for all I know, although I hope not because if being Vegan meant eating stadium nacho cheese for lunch and dinner I might be willing to give it a shot.

They are even the right color.

So congratulations to the Doritos flavorists. They managed to score a touchdown this time.

And Good Night, Mr. Madden, wherever you are.

Stop Messing With Doritos!

Via e-mail at 8:03 a.m.
J writes:

Why can’t the Frito Lay company just leave well enough alone? Yes, I loved it when the classic Nacho Cheese became Nacho Cheesier and the Cool Ranch is a classic, but their product line is littered with failed attempts at greatness and their latest foray is just wrong.

Made a quick trip to Wawa last night for cash and saw that Doritos has now introduced a “second degree burn” line of chips of the buffalo and jalapeño variety. I love buffalo wings and chicken tenders and I pop jalapeno poppers like they are candy, so I was intrigued at what the chips tasted like. I had also recently had a good experience with Herrs jalapeno popper flavored cheese curls.

So I bought a bag of buffalo wing flavored chips and a jalapeno cheese stuffed pretzel (these are a great invention of Wawa) and a raspberry lemonade to wash it all down.

I ate the pretzel without incident and I mention that just to show that I am not a food wuss when it comes to spicy items.

Then I started in on the buffalo chips. It was like my mouth was on fire. I couldn’t even taste the buffalo for the pain it was causing the inside of my mouth. Then I did something I never do; I closed the bag and threw it away. I didn’t even bother to finish it. That’s how awful they were.

I know that there’s a subculture that enjoys eating food so hot it’s painful. I’m usually there. But when I’m eating peppers or other hot things that make your mouth burn I want to be in Mexico or some Mexican themed bar with a group of my friends. I don’t want to be driving home eating a 99 cent bag of chips.

They suck.

To Frito Lay: Knock it off.